American League Least Valuable Player

Hello world,

It looks as though we hear at benchrichiesexson.blogspot.com were not the only ones who thought Richie's year was particularly deflated and disastrous.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=stark_jayson&id=3041066

LVP!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're not first you're last and if you're last, at least you stand out. But, if you are actually last, then that is something to be proud of. Way to go Richie! Way to go!

For the Love of God and All that Is Holy

We should have named this blog "Bench Richie Sexson and Play Adam Jones." This is the line for Jones' past 17 plate appearances: .400/.438/.867, with 3 of 6 hits for extra bases, one walk and two strikeouts. Doesn't walk as much as I'd like to see but he's been hitting for great contact and is a great outfielder.

What Skipper McLaren said about waiting for a guy to heat up and carry the team apparently doesn't apply if your middle name isn't Lockwood. Adam Jones, , despite his recent hot streak and incredible play in the field, is riding pine in favor of utility first baseman (if that's a thing) Ben Broussard. Nevermind the fact that putting Ibanez at first and playing Jones in LF gives you a massive defensive outfield upgrade -- Rauuuuuul just don't move like he used to.

What does it take to win the manager's love? At least thirty years of age, apparently.

Looking Forward

Since the M's are pretty much the fork-sticking-in type of done this season, your friends here at Bench Richie Sexson have begun a new blog, Trade Richie Sexson, to analyze the options available for getting his ass the hell off the team. Have a look.

Trade Richie Sexson

It isn't enough, apparently

Apparently, benching Richie isn't enough. This has been an extremely pathetic dive into never never land. Maybe next year, eh? Let's keep watching though so Sam doesn't get pissed at us for being fair weather fans.

A win? Is that a win?

That Felix Hernandez bastard is lucky. That's a lot of runs in the first four innings. A win's a win, but giving up seven runs every other game doesn't seem like an ace to me. Trade 'em all. That is, the entire starting pitching staff and Richie Sexson for anyone else. Felix still has trade possibility. Everyone thinks he's good still. Get a real ace, please. Then, fill the rest of the starting pitching with nobody's from AAA. Crap, we should let Richie pitch. He'd be better than Weaver or Ramirez. This is the AL. He wouldn't have to bat.

Speaking of Talking Pubes...

...McLaren has decided to bench someone today, but it's not Richie Sexson. Jose Vidro, one of the three brighter spots in the lineup (the other two being Ichiro and Adrian Beltre), will be taking a seat. I'd like to think that the manager has simply decided to give JV the day off, but who knows?

Lockwood's lockdown

I agree with Sam. See his post. Its genius. This man Sam is a prophet. The Mariner's are officially 1 and 13 in their last 14 games. That will kill your wild card hopes. That's why I am playing the grabass. I'm depressed about the quenched excitement of this baseball season. All I can do is sit around and grab my ass all day. Its really satisfying. You should try it.

Maybe we should turn this blog into a forum for discussing my animated series about everyday life as a talking pube.

Tigers 12, Mariners 6

Chris is away playing grabass, so yours truly is filling in.

Lost a nasty one in Detroit tonight. Among the blunders affecting the game were a couple of Guillen fielding misadventures, a blown call by the first base ump, the signing of Jeff Weaver last postseason, and the inclusion of Richmond Lockwood Sexson in the lineup.

That's right, ladies and gents, he's back. Seattle "Manager" John McClaren seems to believe that bringing back an injured player in a wasted season will add fire to the team: "We're just looking for somebody to get hot, and Richie is the type that can carry us," he said this evening.

Don't hold your breath. Unless the .206 hitter possesses some sort of karmic intangible, banking on him to suddenly become Edgar Martinez is not quite a surefire way to lead this team into the postseason. Richie Sexson has a hard enough time carrying himself above the Mendoza line. He cannot carry the Mariners. He is not the solution to all of the team's offensive problems. Or even one of them. Face the $50 million mistake, sit him on the pine, and trade him in the offseason.

MLB.com notes

Season Over?

I think that we're done. Hopefully, we will make some moves that will set us up for next year....namely dumping an excessive and useless contract for a pitcher or two. It may be hard, but I believe in you Bill Bavasi. You have all of our support. NOT!...(that's right, a NOT joke. this blog is badass.)

Quote from a blind man.

"We don't want him playing on one leg,'' McLaren said. "We need to get this guy strong, get him back swinging the bat the way he's capable of doing."

I found this on ESPN.com. Its funny, huh? Kind of like those times in movies where it is "funny" to see a dude get kick in the nuts.

Do you want to see the city of Seattle get kicked in the nuts?

Me neither. So join with me everyone who reads this blog (this part of the blog is a joke for those many fans who actually are reading this because no one has visited or read this blog yet) and rise up against this atrocious waste of money and space in your Seattle Mariner's lineup. Rise up because of how badly you don't want to get kicked in the nuts. It isn't funny. It hurts people. Seriously.

Wow! They won!

I was beginning to think that I jinxed 'em by starting this blog. OK, this is the first of 9 in a row now. Why not? No one has expected us to win all year, right? Why not win 9 in a row now? Of course, it will only happen if we:

PLEASE, leave Richie on the bench!
PLEASE, leave Richie on the bench!
PLEASE, leave Richie on the bench!
PLEASE, leave Richie on the bench!
PLEASE, leave Richie on the bench!
PLEASE, leave Richie on the bench!
PLEASE, leave Richie on the bench!
PLEASE, leave Richie on the bench!
PLEASE, leave Richie on the bench!

I mean, come on!

Wow! We're screwed

Currently, the Mariners are leading the Yankees in the seventh in the first game of the series. It looks like benching Richie wasn't the only problem with the Mariners. Or at least this was the case during the Toronto series. Maybe this blog should be benchrichiesexon-and-the-entire-starting-pitching-rotation.blogspot.com. All of those guys suck. Imagine a world free of Richie's enormous salary and full of good starting pitchers with track records of quality. Unlike Weaver, Ramirez, and Batista who have made a whole career out of mediocrity. One can only dream I guess.

Richie sucks!...seriously

Today they benched Richie Sexson. Vidro is playing first and Bloomquist is playing second. How is it that Adam Jones can't get in the game? How's this:

1B Vidro
LF Jones
DH Ibanez
AAA Sexson

Here's Richie's line for the day:

0 for 2 for the day (line to pitcher, ground to third)
AVE .207
HR 21
RBI 63
OBP .298
SLg .404

I mean, Come On!!!!

Here's the deal.

AVG .208
HR 21
RBI 63
OBP .298
SLG .405
SO 99
GDP 12

Apparently, this guy was claimed on waivers and then the Mariners retracted it. I think that we should all be outraged unless you are an Angels fan...and possibly they should be outraged just for having to witness this kind of stupidity. Something akin to watching the Miss Teen USA pageant or something like that.